by Emma Atkinson

Greetings super sexy and supportive readers! I hope January has been all you wanted and more.

Remember that discussion we had in the previous column about following up on gut feelings? In his book, The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker describes how that gut feeling you get when something isn’t quite right is actually a gift. That feeling suggests that you need more information to better understand a situation.

I’m here to agree that it’s a good idea to get more data when you experience some discomfort. Yours truly recently sought to understand why encounters with a friend have always resulted in me feeling emotionally drained. I watched a few episodes of the old TV show Lie to Me to remind myself of ways to spot potential untruths. The main character is impossibly good at lie detection—the rest of us are mere mortals.

During my next encounter with this person, the things I saw and heard were startling. They didn’t listen to me, didn’t care what I thought, and put me down without a hint of jest or remorse. When I read the “Sexy Social Science” column I wrote for the last newsletter to them, all they said was “wow.” Shouldn’t someone be able to find something nice to say to a friend who asks for an opinion? I had discounted my feelings, thinking that they were related to other issues. I’m grateful for the curiosity that encouraged me to look a little deeper.

If you haven’t read de Becker’s book, I highly recommend it. It’s an absorbing read—I couldn’t put it down once I started. And it just might save your life, or save you from unnecessary emotional harm.

Homework: do you have any uncomfortable feelings that you’d like to understand better? Put on your detective hat and look for clues. Please share your insights with me at: info@thecspc.org.

“Science!” —Thomas Dolby

“Science!” —Emma